When I came to 22 years ago and was thrown headfirst into a world that didn't include booze and drugs, I decided I was going to put out as much energy into learning a new way of life as I had in living life loaded.
When I became disabled 11 years ago as the result of an incomplete spinal cord injury, I also became determined to live life rather than merely survive it.
It didn't matter that I didn't know how to accomplish those two things. It just mattered that I do them to stay alive and mostly sane.
In the years following those two decisions, I have come to understand that I didn't need to know how. The how of it all just sort of appeared as I kept to the path I had chosen for myself. Sometimes it seemed simple, sometimes it was so difficult that I could only keep my head above water and survive for months or years at a time but I never lost the passion and desire for learning a new way of life and living rather than merely surviving.
As much as I'd like to say that if you practice these 11 things you can learn how to live rather than survive too, I can't. What works for one may not work for another. These are just the things that worked and continue to work for me. But if one doesn't work, maybe another will or you'll be inspired to find out what does work to help you live life rather than survive it.
Be positive. Learn to recognize the negative stuff you think about: the self-doubts, the criticisms of others, the complaints, the why-mes, the excuses why you can't do something. Once you recognize negative stuff, change it right then. Stop yourself when you have these thoughts, and replace them with positive thoughts. Possible solutions, affirmations, happy thoughts, prayers, whatever- it doesn't really matter as long as it is positive. If you are not focused on the solution, you are living in the problem and that makes life miserable.
Don't suffer. I don't suffer much. I don't suffer fools or life. Life isn't all about fun and games. We lose our jobs. A close relationship breaks apart. A loved one dies. We get physically injured or sick. A loved one becomes sick. Learn to feel the pain intensely, and really grieve. This is a part of life- really feel the pain, walk through it. And when you're done, move on, and find joy. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Focus on now. Instead of thinking about things you need to do, or things that have happened to you, or worrying or planning or regretting, think about what you are doing, right now. What is around you? What smells and sounds and sights and feelings are you experiencing? Learning this through meditation is great, but by bringing your focus back to the present as much as you can in everything helps you to live life on life's terms.
Learn new stuff. Constantly learn something new instead of stagnating. Not because you're a dolt but because learning encourages growth and fosters empowerment. Accepting yourself as you are, and learning to love who you are is a part of evolution but without learning and growth we stagnate and become stodgy and inflexible.
Find spirituality.
For some, this means
finding God or Jesus or Allah or Buddha. For others, this means being
in tune with the spirits of our ancestors, or with nature. For
still others, this just means an inner energy or knowledge. Whatever
spirituality
means for you, rediscover it, and its power.
Be of service. Don't just donate money or stuff you don't want anymore. Donate your time. Get out of your house and find those who live in worse conditions. Mentor someone. Be a child's advocate. Sponsor a recovering addict or alcoholic. Help at homeless soup
kitchens. Foster a homeless pet. Volunteer at a hospital or hospice. Meet people, talk to them, work at understanding them. Live among them. Be one of them. Learn compassion and give of yourself. Touch humanity.
Find your passion. Take a chance and discover your calling. Make your living by doing the thing you love to do. First, think about what you really love to do. There may be many things. Find out how you can make a living doing it. It may not be easy, but you only live this life once.
Lose control. Come to understand that control is actually an illusion. We can control how we think and our behaviors to some extent but we control very little of what happens in life. It's generally a bad idea to try to control others; it rarely leads to anything other than stress and unhappiness for everyone concerned. Let others live, and live for yourself.
Spend time with children. Kids really know how to live. They experience everything right now, with everything they have. When they get hurt, they really cry. When they play, they really have fun. Learn from them, play with them, and work to be joyful like them.
Talk to old people. There are no one wiser, more experienced, more learned, than those who have lived through life. They can tell you amazing stories. Give you advice on making a marriage last or staying out of debt. Tell you about their regrets and failures, so you can learn from them and hopefully avoid the same mistakes. They are the wisdom of our society. Take advantage of their lives while they're still around.
Love. Maybe the most important. Is your heart a tough bundle of scar tissue? Learn to open it, have it ready to receive love, to give love unconditionally. If you have a problem with this, talk to someone about it. And practice makes perfect. Fall in love, if you aren't already. If you are in love, fall in love with your partner all over again. Abandon caution and open your heart to life. Or love family members, friends, anyone. It doesn't have to be romantic love. Work at love and being loved, one person at a time.
