If you aren't familiar with what Joan Crawford did to her children in her will, here's a brief synopsis: After bullying and abusing her kids for years, Joan Crawford left nothing to 2 of her adopted children "for reasons well known to them".
I am documenting my last few days this way so I can share this journey with other people who have an interest and in the hopes that people who may find themselves in similar circumstances will find something they can use in this series of posts.
Thursday, October 22, 2009, Mid-Afternoon
So picking up from my last post, I got a phone call from my father's widow no long after I spoke with her pastor about adding us to the memorial service bulletin.
Annie: Hello. This is Annie.
Me: Hi, Annie.
Annie: I'm calling about Duke's memorial service. You wanted to be acknowledged on the bulletin?
Me: Yes, I would and so would his 3 other daughters. He had 17 years with my mother before he met you.
Annie: I know he did and he 22 years here with me and his family and friends. he loved and cared for! Well, the church isn't going to include any survivors on the bulletin. You weren't included because Duke didn't want you acknowledged in any way. So, even though it is against his wishes, there will be no survivors listed on the bulletin. I'm sure he sees what's going on and will forgive me.
Me: Why didn't he want us included? What about the obituary?
Annie: You never visited, you never called, you never even bothered to send a Christmas card. He said that since you guys didn't want to have anything to do with him, you didn't deserve to acknowledged as his kids.You weren't listed in the obituary because he didn't want you listed. He only wanted his wife and son in the obituary.
Me: We had very good reasons not want to have anything to with him. We can't just be erased.
Thursday, October 22, 2009, Early Afternoon
Okay, so the church my father had been attending is having his memorial service. After talking to my sister and checking with the other two daughters, we 've decided to ask the church to include us in the church bulletin for genealogical reasons. My sister and one of the other sisters are into genealogy and so, it would be nice to have some acknowledgment; especially since we were not acknowledged on the obituary.
I called the church, to give the church administrative assistant the appropriate information and leave word that I'd like to talk with the Pastor. She is a little surprised to be hearing from someone who claims she's Duke Spencer's daughter. It went something like this:
Me: Hello, my name is Krishanna Spencer and I am Duke Spencer's daughter. I would like to speak with the pastor before tomorrow's memorial service.
Admin Assistant: <silence...silence...silence> Ohhhhhh... okay. What is this in reference to?
Me: I would like to be included on the church bulletin along with my other 3 sisters.
Admin Assistant: <silence...silence...silence> Ohhhhhh... okay.
Me: I realize this is probably catching you offguard.
Admin Assistant: Er, well, yes...are you coming to the service? What did you say your name was?
Me: No, I won't be attending the memorial service. My name is Krishanna Spencer.
Admin Assistant: And your sister's names?
Me: Let make sure I have the names right.
Admin Assistant: You don't know your sister's names?
Me: I know their names, I just need to make sure I have their full names right. They are actually half-sisters. We just found them a couple of years ago.
Admin Assistant: Oh. My, he was a busy man!
Me: Yes, yes he was.
This obituary appeared in
the Payson, Arizona newspaper, The Payson Roundup, some time in the last 7 days.
George “Duke” Spencer died Oct. 14, 2009 in Payson. He was born May 8, 1927 in Illinois.
Mr. Spencer moved to Payson in 1991. The Army veteran worked for a time as an actor in Hollywood, appearing in the John Wayne film “War Wagon” and the films “Hour of the Gun” and “Prison,” among others. He was also a volunteer with the Special Olympics program.
He is survived by his wife, Annie G.S. Spencer of Payson; son, John Shaffer Spencer of Chandler; and grandson, Kyle.
There will be a memorial service at 3 p.m., Friday, Oct. 23 at Mount Cross Lutheran Church in Payson.
Donations in Mr. Spencer’s name may be made to Hospice Compassus or to a special fund for Annie Spencer at Wells Fargo Bank.
You might wondering who this
guy is and why I posted his obituary. He was my father and much of the information listed in that obituary are lies and mistruths.
George “Duke” Spencer
My father’s name was George
Owen Spencer. Most people called him “Duke” after a figment of my father’s
imagination. He was also called “Sam”, “Owen” and “Guy” at various times
throughout his life.
An Army Veteran
My father was born in May of 1927. This would have made him 18 in
1945. World War II ended in late April and early May of 1945 when the Germans
surrendered. Technically, having been in the Army qualifies you as an Army
veteran. Does that mean one is a “veteran” in the terms we tend to think of? George Owen
Spencer never went overseas, never saw combat and the German surrender ended
his army career.
An Actor in Hollywood
Ahem. This is a ginormous
load of shit. It’s true my father always wanted to be an actor. It’s true he
thought of himself as actor. But the only acting he really did was off camera.
Both of these films were released in 1967 and he is not in the credits of either film. No SAG card either. I was born in 1964. My father was working for the state of Utah during 1965 and 1966. This means he would have had to have been in two places at once! My mother moved herself and I from Utah to California in 1967. My father followed that same year from Utah and probably stepped foot in Hollywood for the first time then.
He was actually in this one. He’s in the credits AND he actually worked at the prison where it was filmed. I also remember he mentioned something about it in a phone call. I’ve never seen it and it’s not in my top 50 movies to see even if Viggo Mortensen has the lead
Survived By
Ms. Annie G. S. Spencer
would lead all of Payson to believe the man had only one wife and one
child. The truth is he is survived by
FOUR natural daughters. He adopted two sons; one is deceased and the other is mentioned in the obituary. By our count, he had at least five wives.
My first thought was when I saw the e-mail was "He's finally dead". I have not cast eyes on him
in 26 years nor spoken to him in 20. The only
reason we know he is dead is because my sister and I set up Google Alerts to
let us know when an obituary was posted. Although his widow had both my sister's and my mother's telephone numbers, she chose not to call and let anyone know of his death.
The memories my mother, my sister and I have of him are tainted with lies, betrayal, sexual abuse, abandonment and loss. We’ve spent years sifting truth from untruth, like prospectors mining for gold in a pan.
I feel relieved, at peace, and freer.
I have indeed survived him.
